"There is no better place than in the arms of Jesus..." That's how it came to me in 2003. The words flew into my mind. There are days that I reflect on that powerful moment when creativity was clear and my heart was broken. Questions of why, how, what will we do came like a thief to steal my joy. I remember leaning on the kitchen counter almost not able to stand. The grief was swarming like wasps ready to sting. Then, like a ray of light filling up the room a moment fell over Jacob's profile as he was sitting on the couch. A still small voice comes in to comfort my soul. "Do you see your son, your child sitting there? He is loved by me. He will be fine. It is you that has forgotten who you are. Don't you know how much I love you and that I will take care of this?"
Some would call this moment in the faith, hearing from the Lord or some would be skeptical and think it was my own inner voice of strength. All I can admit is at that time I was in a desperate state of humility. I will tell you that Jacob made it real and authentic when he ran to me for a hug after I sang the melody out loud. He had not wanted to be held for months. He came to me. After that day, he did not want me for several years and it was the hardest years of my life up to this point. His rejection and behaviors reflected what was going on with him internally and systematically. He could not help it. I was selfish to think that this was intentional.
Ten years later, these words to I Am the Child You Love has continued to minister to me as a mother. "Ima" means mother in Hebrew. One of my favorite Heroins in the bible is Deborah. She did not have children but God called her to be a "mother". She sang songs to God and worshipped. People came to her for advice and strategy. When I read about her, I am charged to ask of myself daily. Am I listening to God through His Word? Will I be able to withstand the attacks of life. Some I can control. Some I cannot. When I wrote the song, I had no idea of our future. But the Lord did. It was the beginning of a deeper understanding that we are not alone in our suffering and we should count it all joy to live so that He will be glorified through our story and our process. We do not know the results. It's a day by day journey. Not the destination. Being ever mindful of our purpose and that we are no longer who we were-but rather who we become. Our circumstances do not define us. Labels and diagnosis are elements to test us and bring out a reaction or a response.
As a mother who advocates for Jacob, very vocally. I have been questioned, gossiped about, told that it's pointless and people have admitted they are scared to talk to me. If you know me well, that is not something I enjoy knowing about myself. However, I know that the scriptures say "We have not, because we ask not". To make clear, I went before the father of all things and ASKED Him for help and to see what He wants me to see. I am His child and He will make a way. He gave me two beautiful children who are growing up and they need to be reminded that they are RIGHTEOUS in His sight. His love is everlasting. Not a conditional response.
So, for today. Claim "I am the child you love" for yourself and delve deeper into a relationship with a heavenly father who sings over all of us. If we would just listen and obey...